Lonely
Yes I am extremely lonely. It is not at all because of my friends. I have a lot of friends who care a great deal about me and yes I do care about them too. But Simply said sometimes I feel like a observer.
As if I just seeing the thing as a dispassionate third person viewer. As If I am seeing a movie. I feel as if I am missing something. I feel as if I cant communicate enough with anybody. I feel that whatever I say to somebody might be thought of eccentric.
I never care to be different, I want to feel a part of the mass. I want to flow with them. It is such a reassuring thought to be surrounded people who care. But somehow even if I am with these friends and family I dont feel so. Dont know why.
Some times I feel that the whole point of life is affirming paradoxes. Maybe everyone is, just that they dont recognize it. The whole thing will be put into perspective only when I tell you that even with all this craving for feeling part of something greater I am somebody who wants to be fiercely Independant. That's the source of this problem and I will never change that characteristics for any thing else.
My character has reached a stage where I no longer feel any righteous anger. It is not because of lack of killer instincts or anything. Yes these instincts are extremely strong in me. It is just that the world that I understand doesnt go by the concept of justice that this society upholds. What that means that the so called rules in the society is not at all in the mind of majority of population. It is just that most people think on the lines of might is right.
The only Question here is whats might. When we see cases of strong willed people taking on an entire establishment we have to understand that it is because of his social might he is able to do that. This means that he might be using, exploiting, generating some kinda social, political, economic or legal might.
So I am not content to remain myself I want to be more. But I dont want to change my behaviour for all the gold in this world. But I will change, I know that fact. I accept that. I dont fight against it. Rather I am happy. If I am dyanamic thats positive if I am static thats negative. I want to remain positive. Well as we age our perspectives will change. We will see things in a new light. That does not mean that we are right neither does it mean that we were wrong. It is just that right and wrong are something which is entirely in the realm of human mind. So I will live on in my way trying to change into what I think is positive. Yes what I percieve as positive can be negative for someone. But thats not a choice open to me. I am not content with a secure life. If I am secure I sleep. I need to awaken from the deep slumber I am in. Yes these are dreams which pertains to reality. What or Who will wake me up?
As if I just seeing the thing as a dispassionate third person viewer. As If I am seeing a movie. I feel as if I am missing something. I feel as if I cant communicate enough with anybody. I feel that whatever I say to somebody might be thought of eccentric.
I never care to be different, I want to feel a part of the mass. I want to flow with them. It is such a reassuring thought to be surrounded people who care. But somehow even if I am with these friends and family I dont feel so. Dont know why.
Some times I feel that the whole point of life is affirming paradoxes. Maybe everyone is, just that they dont recognize it. The whole thing will be put into perspective only when I tell you that even with all this craving for feeling part of something greater I am somebody who wants to be fiercely Independant. That's the source of this problem and I will never change that characteristics for any thing else.
My character has reached a stage where I no longer feel any righteous anger. It is not because of lack of killer instincts or anything. Yes these instincts are extremely strong in me. It is just that the world that I understand doesnt go by the concept of justice that this society upholds. What that means that the so called rules in the society is not at all in the mind of majority of population. It is just that most people think on the lines of might is right.
The only Question here is whats might. When we see cases of strong willed people taking on an entire establishment we have to understand that it is because of his social might he is able to do that. This means that he might be using, exploiting, generating some kinda social, political, economic or legal might.
So I am not content to remain myself I want to be more. But I dont want to change my behaviour for all the gold in this world. But I will change, I know that fact. I accept that. I dont fight against it. Rather I am happy. If I am dyanamic thats positive if I am static thats negative. I want to remain positive. Well as we age our perspectives will change. We will see things in a new light. That does not mean that we are right neither does it mean that we were wrong. It is just that right and wrong are something which is entirely in the realm of human mind. So I will live on in my way trying to change into what I think is positive. Yes what I percieve as positive can be negative for someone. But thats not a choice open to me. I am not content with a secure life. If I am secure I sleep. I need to awaken from the deep slumber I am in. Yes these are dreams which pertains to reality. What or Who will wake me up?
posted by aravind at 9:03 AM
4 Comments:
The only thing that is constant is change.
Regarding societly, most of us wear a mask when we face society.
We keep our deepest darkest desires to ourself.
That demeans us.
Nothing more I will say.
As for me there is no dark secret in my mind. Secrets may be. But not really concerning me.
And I am not talking about the pretenses at all. I was talking about my feelings as a part of the society.
"It is just that the world that I understand doesnt go by the concept of justice that this society upholds."
my thoughts mirror these.
independence is only a feeling.even those who are supposedly independent are actually dependent on people, products and nature in general.
i hate cliches. but what is reality?
Good question.
Well what reality is an objective question. It cant be understood from a subjective perspective. Or that is what I feel. What this means is that there are facts. It may not be what we take as facts.
We will have to accept the fact that there is something real because of cogito ergo sum right. Then as we have ascertained that there is some distinct reality. We can say that we do come in contact with atleast a part of it and moreover we do interpret a part of it with our sensa. Thus said we can say that we are reality. Our sensory inputs are real. May be our sensory feeling maynot be.
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