Saturday, December 31, 2005

A Blog

Expressions are important for a human, whatever he may or he may not think.

This is my form of expression. I may paint a better picture, Speak better, still this is the tool which gives me widest reach. Thats what it makes this medium particularly special. I am not exactly the only one who posts. There are so many others.

This oppurtunity to mass expression is unparalleled in history of mankind. That is truly Extraordinary.

For this thing alone I bow in front of google. All other online stuff whether it be online shopping etc was only a process simplification. Here we have a medium for expression which is truly global.

I know my blog is not read by many. It may be most probably because this looks like an ordinary blog. I dont work on the HTML code, neither do I type in coherent language usually.

Still Some do read it. It has given me a window to others thoughts, even though the window may seem narrow its still a new insight to new minds.

After the concept of newspaper I believe this is the next level. So each can voice his or her own opinion and people can chose who have better way of putting things.

This has its own limitations. Those who have inadequate language will be shunted to the back ground. Even if there ideas are great they wont be easily accepted. Maybe with audio blogging it would become better.

Wishing you all a Very Happy and Wonderful new year.


Thursday, December 29, 2005


The new post is about something inherent in me. I never was good writing articles, whether it be English or anyother Language. Yes I could speak well, but had a bad case of stagefright in my school days. If someone could make me forget about myself usually by asking a question, then I 'd get the flow and carry on.

Moreover my Handwriting is one of the most terrible ones present. Each Individual letters are'nt so bad. Actually they might be even artisitic. (Yeah I do Draw) but the problem is togethor they look like complete garbage. See too much of good things is not good.

So I never attempted anything of the scale I have done with this keyboard. I do type fairly fast or atleast as fast as I can think, which is fast enough I persume. And I Have got a medium where I can get to people which formerly was limited those who might have the time and patience to listen to me.

I believe its my lack of writing in my younger days (No I am not old still, hope to get so in some 60 yrs time) which has turned this blog with lot of complex ideas into almost a craplog. Still I am proud its my crap log :D. It contains some of my original Ideas. This is because I only laze around. Yes I might one of those regular armchair theoriticians who are good at nothing.

Still who can tell whos and whos not, not me anyway. As someone said to me sometimes earlier, I have a bad habit of writing long winded sentences, whose tense changes as my whim, as if grammar is something I arbitarily decided.

I hope atleast there are some extremely intelligent people who could decipher the crap I have made out of my ideas.

Yeah its all I can do. You see I cant write better.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Gaming Me?

As with every other person I too have some hobbies. Presently one I am most enchanted with is gaming particularly CS. CS expands to CounterStrike. Its a game running Half Life game engine. Its not that showy. The in game physics is almost exactly as in the real world. They have tried to make it as real as possible.

Now the part which appeals to me. Its a team game. Where Skill does play its part. I am better than average skilled player. No not exceptional at all. It gives me immense pleasure just to play it.
Even If I am being pounded by the others. I would stick on. I do not care for how many frags I have taken. It only depends on how much I am enjoying. If theres no loss or lag then everything is fine for me.

As it is I presently am good at assault and gunning. Sniping is not something I havent tried exactly till now.

Its because of the fact that its a team game that has drawn me to this game like no other. Where out of the box tactics will surely surprise the enemy. Even if hes the best. And if you are confident of taking down even the best of the opponent you have a chance of taking him down. Then it becomes a test of pure skill. Where's in the other case its about the game going on in your head. If you choose where you should fight rather than the other guy you have much better chance of winning.

Yes, lot of strategy from Sun Tzu's Art of War is actually true. Atleast in CS. Its the ingenuinity which we can try to bring to this game what makes it original and beautiful.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Questions are they?

Whatever I write would be a mirage of the truth. Because I dont believe in truth. Whatever I write would be just a smoke screen to what I mean. Because Facts are difficult to discern.

Truth for me is the perception of facts by each and every individual. Facts are something we need to look at. We should make allowances to our errors. But dare we do that, accept ourselves that we can make mistakes. Never.

Isnt that why sometimes I am so full of myself. I am but a mirror. I am a mirror to you too.

All my thoughts, all my desires, all my feelings, how much of these are completely mine. I know not. Where do my discretion start or rather where does it end.

Dont my influence spread throught the world like a pebble in an ocean. And Mind you remember one tenet of Chaos Theory. That infinitesimaly small change in initial condition can bring huge difference like in turbulence.

Or they might not. Who or what needs to know that. Isnt it the feeling that we need to know that has driven humans this far. Or is this far at all? Arent we petty creatures controlled by flights of imagination.

These questions are all ................................

Friday, December 23, 2005

One more test.

I am nerdier than 95% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Thursday, December 22, 2005


All most all my blogs were about my thoughts. Why? Why dont I write about my feelings.

Is it because I am afraid actually to face myself. That I might also be human. Why do I suppress my emotions and my pains so much? Why do I show such an optimistic , rose coloured view of this world? Why do I show such trust in my fellow beings when usually none does, or do I? Why do I act as if I am an extrovert when I am not one? Why do I pretend so much or is it ? Why do I have this urge to express so much?

The answers are at present beyond my reach. The feelings usually are not something you can logically explain. I have ruthlessly tried to become logical. No I am not one. Will I be? I at this juncture I dont care.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A thought.

Its difficult for me to usually blog about myself, because whenever I try to write about myself or incidents I have gone through, I face a blank. I wouldnt know what to write about.

For me the below post was possible because they left vivid images in my mind. I could try to write about those images and thats what I have done.

Now on something entirely different. So many of my friends have asked me several times whats the use of being philosophical, isnt it better to be practical. I have usually answered it to the best of abilities. But Yesterday I came across some words by Russell. Its simple yet eloquent on this topic.

"Uncertainity, in the presence of vivid hopes and fears, is painful, but must be endured if we wish to live without comforting fairy tales. It is not good either to forget the questions that philosophy asks, or to persuade ourselves that we have found indubitable answers to them. To teach how to live without certainity, and yet without being paralyzed by hesitation, is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can still do for those who study it."

As far as I understand its a process which teaches you how to think better. For those who ask why should I think ? Presently I have no answer. It might be because of my arrogance or my ignorance, I feel they dont merit an answer.

If I learn that there could be a case that thinking isnt beneficial then I will surely think about it.

Some times I detest myself for my hugely superior feeling to fellow humans. I dont know why I feel superior, But sometimes I do. I am not better than them in anything I know. But It might have something to do with the fact that I cant accept I am yet another human. I want to engrave in my mind that I am UNIQUE.

All this blogging and all my pursuits might be part of that urge. Or it might be part of my urge to reach out to my fellow being so that I can know better. Which I dont exactly know.

Yesterday was a painful day, But it was yesterday. Yesterdays are long forgotten. Today this instant is the time in which I live. I dwelve on the future, hoping that it would be marvellous, not just better.

Blogging about my thoughts thats what I do. Blogging about my emotions, is extremely difficult to me, as it is I am usually contemplative while I write a blog. Blogging about my experiences, I usually miss out on the emotions which I underwent, which is what usually makes a blog interesting. Still I type out these nearly incoherent stream of words as a way to reach myself from my past when I am in future.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

On me

Yeah this is a personal blog. Which isnt usually my style.

The subject matter is entirely upon operations I have undergone. Err by the word operation I do mean the medical ones. So far I have undergone two of them. One was major. Other not so.

The first one took place when I was a kid of 3 and half years old. The funniest thing is unlike many other kids of that age. I do remember vividly a lot about the whole thing.

I am going to give an account of both these experiences.

The first one came as a severe pain in the abdomen when I was in my LKG. The school authorities there sucked. They didnt think it severe enough to inform my parents(both my parents are doctors). So when my dad came to call me up he was really angry with them. Anyway I dont know much more about what transpired between my dad and the school authorities.

As things go. The pain came usually in bouts.The pain in abdomen was so severe that I used to roll on the floor whenever the bout occured. I was really pathetic. Think about a small kid rolling because of pain. Anyways as I am an extremely spirited person it didnt dampen my spirits much Except for the pain. Between this was just one day after the school incident. I was taken to SAT Hospital for the surgery. Initially I was admitted to ICU. A date for the operation was fixed.

Then came about week. I dont exactly remember how many days I was hospitalized. Because any day was just like the next day. Only thing was I didnt like the injections that were administered to me. And I do remember one day I was extremely happy when I had to just take a pill.

Also it was the pediatric ward. There were kids all around. I was one of the kids who could bear the pain. It was a lil depressing in the hospital with all those sick kids and boring too. When my cousin bro came I was really happy. Meaning we are like bro itself so I really loved it. Then came the operation. I still remember my father taking me in his both hands and carefully carrying me to operation theatre( it was govt hospital, the reason for going there was because of personal relation with the surgeon)

I remember the cold clammy operation table and the array of instruments. Didnt feel much of a fear or anything. I thought about asking the surgeon for a pair of gloves when it was over. Then the usual lights of operation theatre shown in films where on. And I was insisted up on to sleep. Even if I didnt feel a bit sleepy I decided to humour them.

And lo when I wake up I am on a room in payward. It seems I was asleep for ten hours or more. I had that suture which every patient after operation had. I started to feel around it to check whether everything felt right. After that I dont remember much.

I think only the most vivid of images remain in the memory. As a 3&1/2 yr olds memory go it was pretty deep.

This surgery was for Indususception, where the muscles of small intestinal walls contract and get into the larger one. The contraction causes severe pain. In smaller kids it might be even fatal.

The next one was when I was in 10th standard. It was for congenital hernia. Which I still have partly.
I remember the whole experience vividly. I was 15 yrs old. So was admitted to pediatric ward. Where as it was a pediatric ward I was given at first Kids clothes to wear :D. All the while I had the feeling that I was going for an operation which would restrict for a week or so when I was feeling perfectly normal and energetic.

Here as it was not much serious, there were no last minute rushes etc. It was quite lesuirely. I went to the hospital 7 in the morning. I was given the allergy tests for the antibiotics. For this they injected a small sample onto my skin. I was very mildly allergic to the first one. So a second dose was tested ok.

Then they gave me a ointment which was very liberally put on the left hand. It was supposed to be a local anaesthetic which I later understood ( a lil painfully that is). I was then administered the antibiotic as a precaution. As they were operating upon me.

I was laid in a trolley. And taken to the theatre. It was quite a long walk .Took about five mins. I was really contemplative at that time. I vivdly remember looking at the beams in the ceiling at how it seems when you lie on a moving trolley. Meaning you never think of seeing the roof beams moving like steps in a ladder. I was even amused at my thought about these things in face of the impending operation. My mother was much more worried than I was.

Finally after reaching the operation table. I was transferred by the Doc to the operation table . This was more comfortable than the first one. I remember telling them that I could walk from the trolley to the table as I was actually perfectly fine till then. I noted the time in my mind. It was 9.05 sharp.

Then they suddenly grasped my left hand. And and and intra venal was given. Next came the oxygen mask. As far as I remember it didnt have any difference with the air I breathe. Then I was given the dose of anaesthetics. I think it was barbiturates or LSG. Both are classified as narcotics. I dont know which is the one.

Again, I refused to sleep. Meaning with all the things going on. I was observing what every one was doing. They again asked me whether I felt any sleep. I simply asked back whether they wanted me to sleep. They answered in the affirmative. I said I will try.

When I am awake I am in the corridor outside the operation theatre. I was really groggy.
I couldnt open my eyes. I remember having the knowledge what they mean by heavy eyelids. It just refuses to open. Then I was given a room.

I dont remember much about rest of the day when I slept due to the sedation. Next day i was discharged. I went to my home. Yes I could walk without any prob except a small tugging at the place of suture. I was completely mobile after a week.

Now today after coming back from aruns house on project work, my father suddenly ask me if I would have time for an op tomm. Well I check with arun whether anythign serious is there. As there was none. I tell my dad to fix it. And its fixed for tomm. I dont have a bit of worry in me and its kinda worrying me. I am even a lil excited about the whole thing.

It was really a funny experience in a way. Think about your dad coming and telling you that
tomm you are gonna have Surgery. I really laughed on that. And here I am blogging on that.

I think I will be back to my normal self in 4 days. I hope.

What more need I say.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Free Will

This was something I am extremely confused about. All the while I am thinking I am for Free Will, I dont know whether I could say that there really exists any free will.

So lets approach it in a logical manner. How can we define Free Will. Free Will must mean Will of a Person which has not been influenced by another will.

Usually this refers to the blatant abuse of ones rights. But what about that abuses which are not that obvious.

There are a lot of questions in my mind.
These are the most significant of them.

Do we take into account the influences by others mind?
Do we limit this to adults only?
Do we limit it to children only?

Usually for the first question the answer that comes to mind is a certain No. This means that we the influences of another mind is not considered. But Is that case possible if another person exists. And even unconsciously he might communicate his attitude towards a particular issue or concept. This will influence the Subject person to some varying degree.

We might want to believe that we define who we are. But thats only up to an extent. Right from my first post I have discussed this. We do try to define who we are, but such a definition has certain constraints in a society. A person evaluates himself by what he feels he is capable of and a society evaluates him by what he has achieved. So in turn how the society accepts the person will have some influence on his mind. It might be negative or positive depending on the person concerned.

So its basically like a fogged mirror. To some extent you define yourself to others whereby this definition includes how others look upon you. The rest of your definition even you know would be totally in the realm of fantasy. Its like me defining I am such and such. You might believe in that but others wont. If others dont believe that its usually because they dont percieve any similarity with how you percieve yourself.

Now the question of adults. Its funny meaning whos an adult we can define it physically or mentally, but the bottomline is whos one. We might say a society might decide. But can we pinpoint or atleast point a group which comprisess this so called society? This society comprises of one and all. As we dont exactly have a common consciousness there cant be any unanimous definition. Moreover can we say at any point in time that a society is all ways right. So do we go by the majorities decision. Even a majority is controlled usually by a minority.

Adults are such an overrated term. For me it suggest something about lack of imagination and flexibility. So the question is this from what point in a persons life does a free will get significant. "If let to children(I know Ididnt define Children but as I have discussed enough about adults you can make your own opinion on this one.) in a society like ours they are sure to make unproductive demands on the societies resources which are not justifiable". This was an opinion I made. This is exactly what I meant by adult attitude that children dont know enough.

Sometimes those who are called children would supprise you by their clarity. Because they havent been influenced by all those things which usually clouds an adults will. And then again there will could be easily bend one way or other. The reason why wise words emanate from a child is because his mind is not exaclty structured the way a society structures a adults mind.

Anyway I need to say something more about Free Will.Think about all those ads targeted at kids. Do you think they wont be influenced by these brands when these kids become adults. Thats they really no longer have much of a free will. This will is usually changed by the characteristics of the society if he lives as a part of the society.

So I agree there are a lot of things on which we do still use Free will and where they are still valid, but my point is its lot more limited than what we might feel.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Cogito Ergo Sum

This was a conversation between me and my cousin. It was rather good.

I thought I need to put it up here.
aravind4evry1: Cogito Ergo Sum
aravind4evry1: right
balachandran_c: i think therefore i am?
aravind4evry1: yes
aravind4evry1: Descartes
balachandran_c: i think that i think therefore i think that i am? ;)
balachandran_c: so whats up with that?
aravind4evry1: well What neitzche
aravind4evry1: view is that
aravind4evry1: Oops missed an s in neitzsche
aravind4evry1: k.
balachandran_c: k
aravind4evry1: he says that it only proves the apparent reality of thought
aravind4evry1: thats as there is thought
aravind4evry1: there exactly need not be a thinker as in Cause and effect relationship
balachandran_c: as in "i think that i think, therefore i think that i am"?
aravind4evry1: somewhat like that.
aravind4evry1: :D
balachandran_c: i didnt get you
aravind4evry1: where as Descartes was trying to prove that the thought was real.
aravind4evry1: So you were
aravind4evry1: real
aravind4evry1: getting me.
balachandran_c: what do you mean by "thinker as in cause and effect" ?
aravind4evry1: thats for a thought to occur you really need a thinker
aravind4evry1: in that order
balachandran_c: ah
balachandran_c: as far as i am concerned,
balachandran_c: they look like a closed system,
aravind4evry1: oh
balachandran_c: i do not know what a thinker is,
aravind4evry1: k.
balachandran_c: nor am i able to separate it from thought.
aravind4evry1: ok.
balachandran_c: maybe i could find a "thinker and thought" in a computer network.
aravind4evry1: yes
aravind4evry1: you might
aravind4evry1: will be back in a min.
balachandran_c: k
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: Just reread it once more
balachandran_c: hmm
aravind4evry1: and what the guy is taking pains to say is that
aravind4evry1: linking doer to the effect
aravind4evry1: is just one persepective or one way to look at things.
balachandran_c: hmm
aravind4evry1: So we cant for absolute certainity say that
aravind4evry1: causality exist always
balachandran_c: absolutely not.
aravind4evry1: meaning
balachandran_c: personally, i feel that a lot of problems disappear when we view "I" as an effect.
aravind4evry1: kk.
balachandran_c: effect as in corollary.
aravind4evry1: I get it.
aravind4evry1: But if you say I as an effect you should be meaning the conscience as the cause
aravind4evry1: eh
aravind4evry1: ?
balachandran_c: i am unable to put "I" above what "I" think.
aravind4evry1: "I" agree
balachandran_c: they are at the same level in the hierarchy.
aravind4evry1: That amount of subjectivity usually remains.
balachandran_c: no i am not talking about conscience,
aravind4evry1: hmm.
balachandran_c: i was talking about a physical phenomenon.
aravind4evry1: But My question is if I is the effect as you said
aravind4evry1: then
aravind4evry1: ?
balachandran_c: or a physical system. like a computer network.
balachandran_c: as a result of the systems working, (purely according to laws of physics), an "I" could be formed as a result.
aravind4evry1: hmm.
aravind4evry1: Well if you can form I as a result of a system
balachandran_c: this "I" does not control the physical system at any point of time.
aravind4evry1: Got that point
aravind4evry1: I is the product of the system.
aravind4evry1: thats what I understood from you
balachandran_c: yup
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: then could it be or could it not be the same case with
aravind4evry1: Thought
aravind4evry1: thats thought as a product of a system.
balachandran_c: thought is not separable from "i"
aravind4evry1: Well isnt that just empirical
aravind4evry1: I dont feel its conclusive in the sense.
balachandran_c: we are artificially splitting the effect into two parts, "I" and its "thoughts"
aravind4evry1: What I understand is that
aravind4evry1: Our system makes a correlation between the outcome thought and "I"
aravind4evry1: and outcome "I" i menat
aravind4evry1: so that actually what we see as the result of I is actually the result of the self same systems whos outcome is the 'I" of it.
balachandran_c: i lost you completely.
aravind4evry1: meaning the I and the thoughts are the product of the single same sytem
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: and the system
aravind4evry1: connects or correltes these
aravind4evry1: output
aravind4evry1: *corelates these outputs.
aravind4evry1: couldnt that be possible
balachandran_c: then it looks like your "system" is capable of perceiving things, and correlating them.
balachandran_c: in the model that i was trying to explain,
balachandran_c: i use the word "system" for the physical system,
aravind4evry1: Well I agree in one thing Correlate is not exactly the word I am looking for
aravind4evry1: hmm.
balachandran_c: with particular properties. there is no "thought" "intelligence" "conscience" or whatever at that layer.
aravind4evry1: k.
balachandran_c: now, the "intelligence" is in the patterns in functioning of the system.
aravind4evry1: then whats on top of this layer
aravind4evry1: oh.
aravind4evry1: But the prob is
balachandran_c: yes,
aravind4evry1: here are you meaning that basically intelligence is pattern matching
aravind4evry1: and synthesis
balachandran_c: no, i am saying that "intelligence" or the "mind" IS a pattern.
balachandran_c: i take a few neurons and connect them,
aravind4evry1: k.
balachandran_c: they fire forming certain patterns in firing.
aravind4evry1: but intelligence as a pattern
balachandran_c: this pattern IS the intelligence.
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: now I get it.
aravind4evry1: Now I get what you mean
aravind4evry1: but still something remains to be questioned
balachandran_c: this pattern thinks that it thinks,
aravind4evry1: Then what exactly
aravind4evry1: is intelligence as you percieve it
balachandran_c: actually, the problem is, i used the word "intelligence" in the sense that it denotes something encompassing an "I"
aravind4evry1: I know this prob you are referring to
balachandran_c: not in the sense that mr.x is more intelligent than animal y.
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: Agreed
balachandran_c: but in my model this intelligence (in the second sense) is a property of the physical system,
aravind4evry1: as its actually the pattern
aravind4evry1: right
balachandran_c: certain properties of the pattern,
aravind4evry1: k
aravind4evry1: Next question
balachandran_c: like being able to "learn" other patterns.
aravind4evry1: Meaning for there to be a pattern
aravind4evry1: what is necessary
balachandran_c: here "learn" in the sense of learning theory,
aravind4evry1: I get it.
balachandran_c: not that there is a "learning mind" or anything
aravind4evry1: no
aravind4evry1: My question is whats the pattern
aravind4evry1: Meaning pattern is something
balachandran_c: could you explain your question?
aravind4evry1: subjective as
aravind4evry1: because
balachandran_c: no, i am talking about objective patterns.
aravind4evry1: Objective patterns as in.
balachandran_c: certain correlations between events.
balachandran_c: events are multidimensional objects,
aravind4evry1: agreed
balachandran_c: like neurons * time * position
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: but then who/what determines the correlation.
balachandran_c: or whatever
balachandran_c: there need not be anyone to determine correlation.
balachandran_c: to be clear which patterns are you talking about now?
aravind4evry1: My whole point is even time and position are relative
balachandran_c: ya,
aravind4evry1: So how can we say anything about its objective nature.
balachandran_c: i think we are talking about patterns at different levels.
aravind4evry1: hmm.
aravind4evry1: K.
balachandran_c: as far as the physical system related to me is concerned,
aravind4evry1: tell me about what you are referring to as pattern
balachandran_c: the patterns are in firing of neurons,
aravind4evry1: k
aravind4evry1: k
balachandran_c: there is nothing subjective about that.
aravind4evry1: k
aravind4evry1: Now I get it.
balachandran_c: as far as what "I" the mind sees,
aravind4evry1: better word would be percieve
balachandran_c: it sees patterns everywhere,
aravind4evry1: from its sensa
balachandran_c: in which case, it is a subjective interpretation of external objective events.
aravind4evry1: but when the "I"
aravind4evry1: gets in
balachandran_c: these are two different patterns we are talking about.
aravind4evry1: It automatically becomes
aravind4evry1: subjective
balachandran_c: not to be mixed up.
balachandran_c: which patterns are you talking about now?
aravind4evry1: my point is When I gets in the supposedly objective pattern
aravind4evry1: becomes subjective
balachandran_c: could you explain your question from this view?
balachandran_c: i didnt get you.,
aravind4evry1: k
aravind4evry1: I will try.
aravind4evry1: the pattern is as in the firing of neurons.
aravind4evry1: its pattern inherent in that system
aravind4evry1: k.
balachandran_c: k, now we are talking about the patterns constituting "I", right?
aravind4evry1: yes
balachandran_c: k, go ahead
aravind4evry1: when the case of I comes in
aravind4evry1: Doesnt it automatically take it to the realm of subjectivity
balachandran_c: "I" cannot come into the physical layer.
balachandran_c: which is my whole point.
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: Then
aravind4evry1: what are thoughts
balachandran_c: "I" is a pattern in this physical layer.
aravind4evry1: Understood
balachandran_c: thoughts are part of this "I" that i am talking about.
balachandran_c: they are not different.
aravind4evry1: hmm.
balachandran_c: i have no reason to believe that there exists a separate entity called an "I" and another called "I"'s thoughts on this system.
aravind4evry1: you are saying that
aravind4evry1: mind, thought, I
aravind4evry1: these are all same entities?
balachandran_c: my following sentence is not accurate, but i will try.
aravind4evry1: k
aravind4evry1: I can understand the prob :D
balachandran_c: "I" as separate from its "thoughts" is more like an illusion.
aravind4evry1: hmm.
aravind4evry1: Well :D
balachandran_c: the "I" cannot really separate itself from its thoughts if it didnt have different words for it.
aravind4evry1: so you mean thoughts and I are the same thing.
balachandran_c: i can tell the difference between an apple and an orange, even if i didnt have words for them.
aravind4evry1: or like a fuzzy thing
aravind4evry1: thats why I asked Fuzzy meaning
balachandran_c: hmm, think of it like this,
aravind4evry1: something like a paradox
balachandran_c: i have a torch, with something in front of it, which throws patterns on the walls.
balachandran_c: say i hold the cutout of a man in front of the torch,
aravind4evry1: k
balachandran_c: and a shadow of this person is formed on the wall.
balachandran_c: now according to me,
aravind4evry1: hmm.
balachandran_c: the physical layer is the torch+cutout system,
balachandran_c: the I+thought is the shadow on the wall.
aravind4evry1: you mean the projection of the physical self in the mindspace
balachandran_c: it is as if, this shadow calls itself "I",
aravind4evry1: where this mindspace projection denotes the I and the thoughts
aravind4evry1: k
balachandran_c: more like the shadow is a property of the physical system.
aravind4evry1: Yes thats what
balachandran_c: now, this shadow can its "hands" or "legs" or whatever,
aravind4evry1: ok.
balachandran_c: and starts calling these parts as different from itself.
aravind4evry1: I get it
aravind4evry1: Suddenly something struck me as
aravind4evry1: The supposed I
balachandran_c: this part is my thoughts
balachandran_c: that part is my feelings
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: and thoughts are the projection of the self into the wall
aravind4evry1: where the wall is the mind
balachandran_c: so as far as i am concerned, this "I", "thoughts" and "feelings" are all subjective things within the shadow, you have to be the shadow to make sense of it.
aravind4evry1: k
aravind4evry1: Understood that completely.
balachandran_c: for me it is just one phenomenon.
balachandran_c: maybe you could understand the shadow without being the shadow,
balachandran_c: if you were a shadow like yourself,
balachandran_c: *if you were a shadow yourself,
balachandran_c: and shared the same set of beliefs or language or whatever
aravind4evry1: I get it
aravind4evry1: thought and I are not entirely different
aravind4evry1: as you have said.
balachandran_c: ya
aravind4evry1: but then thought is not a product or effect of the I
balachandran_c: once we see this i+thoughts+feelings+whatever as an *effect*, many problems go away!
balachandran_c: ya, i agree.
aravind4evry1: the existance of Thought only really means that the particular
aravind4evry1: physical system exists
aravind4evry1: right
aravind4evry1: and inturn
aravind4evry1: as this sytems another property
aravind4evry1: is I
balachandran_c: it is not a product because, i donot have a mechanism to separate the two.
aravind4evry1: this I Exist
balachandran_c: nor does separating them make any sense.
aravind4evry1: no My point is simply that
aravind4evry1: both the thoughts and I maynot be what we percieve
balachandran_c: the simple shortest solution to this "problem" is to take the word "thought" as distinct from a sentient entity is taken away from our language.
aravind4evry1: k.
aravind4evry1: :D
aravind4evry1: I got to go
balachandran_c: sure, bye

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I can think of none

Here I am in front of my computer. As someone said to me, I say things the best when I have nothing to say. My mind is blank. Or is it exactly blank. Thats an analysis which is extremely difficult to make because I cant say whether I am thinking or not. If you think about it you will know the why of it.

As I have done numerous times earlier I could take some topic for this blog and write about it. What it will do is one or two of the guys who read this will unde3rstand and the rest will spit it out.
So do I write for the public or the select few. I might otherwise write a seemingly understandable passage which will have certain memes which only those who need to understand will understand. It takes time and skill, neither of which I have.

Anyhow Whatever I do, Whatever I think might have an underlying pattern in it. It is to express my SELF. Yes thats this all about THE expression of self. It is one of the most important things a person needs to do in a society. Some do it by speech, conversation, paintings, sculpting.

The expression is not supposed to be meaningful for others. For the creator its all about the self. If done in true sense of creation.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Again Some more stupid tests.

Dont be blown away by them. They have no relation whatsoever to me, I feel. Maybe I am wrong who knows.

This is how they say my blog should be

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.
You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.
You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

About How scary I am. Well Someone called me a Scary Philosopher Sometime back :D

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

The most funny of them all what kind of a seducer I am. ROFL

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

Well what I am supposed to be.

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas.
Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

Friday, December 09, 2005

The Haze

Was under a gaming haze for a certain period of time. The haze has lifted off completely. I am good as new.

So what made me get outta haze was a really long sleep. For about 14 hrs.

Usually when I am extremely sad or extremely pessimistic. I take a sleep for quite sometime. Because I know that when I wake up I can take a new view to the problem. Which will be a better one. Its like rebooting a stuck PC.

Usually I try to be as slim as possible even after taking large qty of food. But past few days I have put on a few Kilos I think. Ofcourse nothing much perceptible to anyone execpt me. Gotta reduce the flab a bit.

Got up just now. So felt like blogging and here it is.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Blog test for the heckof it.

I really dont know whether these represent me. Still

Your Eyes Should Be Hazel

Your eyes reflect: Intellect and sensuality

What's hidden behind your eyes: Subtle manipulation

Monday, December 05, 2005


Well there are a lot of options in ones life. They a successful life is about choosing the best option.

There are a lot of options before me which I have felt in some point in my life as best for me.
I am giving them in a totally random order.

Theoretical Physicist. I do love the underlying concepts of fundamental theories and more advanced theories. Used to know a lot about it. But forgot a lot of details. Still remembers the basic Ideas I hope.

Particle Physicist Well its a bit different from the theoritical physicist in the sense that hes the guy who does the experiments. Whos trying to find more about matter and substance. Yes its actually trying to understand the matter of matter.

Painter. I do paint. I dont paint for someone else. This means that whatever painting I might do will be because I like to do that and for my own satisfaction. And most of them are abstract. I like to draw fluid curves and the pattern that emerges from within.

Rock Music. Well this is an extremely distant possiblity. with the kind of voice I have I do stand a pretty good chance for rock music more than anything else. Mind you in carnatic I would really be horrible

Driver. Funny ,the feeling I sometimes have is that, if I have a steering wheel and a road in front of me, I am at peace. Ofcourse I should be able to move forward. Just that. An offshoot might be I becoming a racer which I dont think would have a chance of happening. I am good not that good most probably.

CS Pro. This one has a fair enough chance of happening. In another five years. I could be up there. OH yeah I am day dreaming. Still pretty good at it.

Hermit. Yeah to leave everything and go someplace live the whole life by myself. Have thought about this option. The only reason i didnt go is that I like to be with people.

Social Worker. Possible but not probable. Meaning I like to help. But mostly those who try to help themselves. If the person doesnt have the fighting attitude he might not get my respect. OH I will still help him. But only to an extent. Might think about TSS.

The MBA Guy. Theres a distinct probability. Having written CAT and all. Dont know whether I will go. Most probably will be a HR guy. Still might become a Marketing guy too. Still theres a chance I might go to Banking sector. Thats the most challenging sector in MBA

Entrepreneur Might be part of a startup. Might be ofcourse. Dont know for sure. I do have some ideas with a lot of potential. Yes I am making a sales pitch even here.

Infosys. Dont know if nothing else turns up Might go for this. I dont fear work. I like challenges. If they can provide that I might stick around. But I wont quit because I cant cope. I believe I have in it me to handle stress.

GRE. Then The MS/PHd Guy: Havent written it yet. If I write it and get a reasonable score should go for that. On the flip side If I go for that you can be sure that I will have my nose buried in that for the rest of my life. Oh well thats not a prob.

Robotics. It might be what I would like to master in. If I can. Or If its AI still better.

Could be a carpenter, I liked it very much at our workshop sections. I liked Smithy too.

Writer. Most probably a critique writer. Dont know whether I have the passion for words. Yes I have the passion for the spoken word. But thats not the same as the other case. Is It?

Oops that might cover the entire spectrum almost that is.

What I will choose will depend on a strictly random decision. Now I am unbiased. Might be more than one also. Who knows how everything will turn out or even whether it will turn.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

This post is about human. I have deep respect for the capabilities and possiblities of a human. I certainly do believe in the essential goodness of human beings.

For me eveyone has the ability or the potential. Maynot be in the same quantity but then again how do you quantify potential. As we are all of the same species we would have almost same brain capacity as in case of neurons and other pathways.

Only the differences are the subtle differences in environment and that in our basic genetically structure. I know that personality of a person can change a damn big lot. Its ofcourse the change due to the environment. It can be because of living with a person with a strong Personality where he rubs off his character onto you. Or it can be a general change in the atmosphere. As far as I am concerned I am a natural extrovert. This is the view of my parents and relatives. The fact is thanks to my schooling This part of my character was so subdued that I might have been mistaken to be a introvert. Ofcourse not to my friends but to those who didnt know.

After coming to college I have slowly changed my character. Because I have started to think about how people think and supprisingly my insight to others characters I feel are accurate enough. I have a probability based approach to human behaviour. This is something akin to what Russell felt.

So I cant ever say for sure that I would do this or do that. I really dont know what I would do. I might be able to predict to a reasonable degree of accuracy if the whole situtation is known. Only good part is when I need to take a decision I take it without any emotional tuggings, usually that is. Duttan used to call me a vulcan I dont know much about that except that they arent supposed to have any emotions.

Only other day did I say to a friend of mine that my behaviour usually oscillates between the excitable and the contemplative. So one minute I will be all gung ho and next I could be quietly thinking about anything under the sun or even above.

Yes theres no much limit to thought. I hate conservative thought not conservative people. All individuals have some positives. The least of it being they are human being. None in this world does anything knowing its entirely wrong. His point would be the gain he garners is more than the lose that was caused.

I am getting bored by my own drivel. The post is coming to an END.